Choices we made

Thought it woud change

2009-06-23T00:29:00.000-07:00

I also thought that my blog here was dead. But it’s just that I’m too busy. I wish to be a robot but have what human have, feelings. Sometimes I wished that a week can have 8 days Just 8. Because I need one day to at least rest. Or maybe spend time with the love ones. I’m soon to reached the stage of burnout. 7 days, every week is filled with important activities. How do I stop this? Dilemma.

I have work, FYP, school, band. And above all that since I’m getting my rest for 3 months from floorball due to the surgery, floorball with also involvein my schedule. On top of that, Bloco Singapura is performing for NDP. So every Saturday is burnt. After that it’s chingay. So tell me when can I stop this hectic schedule?

For some who know me, been 2 years now, I’ve search highs and lows. I put them to the test. And they failed. It’s hard to avoid the mistakes did over the years. And I’m tired. But this just one. Just one more. And if this fails too, I’m giving up. Nobody knows what’s on my mind. Syaza probably. She know me quite well. The test I’m putting up. You and me know.

What is your deepest fear?
“Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measures. It is our light not our darkest that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world that was nothing enlighten about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were all meant to shine as children do. It’s not in some of us, it’s everyone. As we let our own life shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberate from our own fear. Our present automatically liberate others.”-Timo Cruz

PS: Though you’re still young, you’re a very strong individual. You even have the courage to tell me about your fear. But you’ve yet to be tested. It’s my way. Because to pick one is easy, to keep the right one is the challenge. All I’m doing now, right infront of you is are small tests without you knowing. I need you to come out from your shell and reveal yourself. That’s when choice will be made. For the record, you are one great strong individual. Looking forward to more surprises.

Cheers!
Emi

2009-03-23T08:49:00.000-07:00

What begins have to end...

I really can't see myself working in another store and with different people. As much as i hate to, things doesn't always go your way. People say everything happens for a reason. And whatever you do, your life and future is already decided. But some may think that life is a choice that leads to your future. Either way. I believe.

I don't blame Dzul for the decision he made. He's like us too. Working under another man. As a matter of fact, its a reality check, he is a best man i ever work with. Don't worry Dzul, for the decision you made, i won't make you regret it. Memories were built in SB-CY. Good memories i can say. And maybe some bitter ones. But it grew me to a better someone. And Dzul, you should take the credit.

I will create a change in that new place. I'll create the brand in my shift. Dzul, i hope i'll get your support. And the rest too. That short moment i can't believe im leaving. Tears? You bet! That was really the first tears i let out since so long. My heart will stay at SB-CY.

Thanks Yusri dude, he opened the door for me to be in this family. And i didn't expect to be this close to you people. To my primary school dude, Syamim, you and yus thought me a lot. Damn a lot, to be a barista. A real Barista. Alimah babe, we came in at the same time bet what, you're the coolest to the coolest tudung girl!!

And for you, there is some communication break down ever since that. But at every moment in life, while I'm typing this down, people change. As much as i want us to be like how we were used to be, it need time. It's just me. As of 1st April, we will not be partners. Colleagues no more. I know you don't know my blog. Falling for you isn't what i plan for. Let it to some time, i believe it will be over me. I don't know about you but i really want us to be like before.

Reality check, I know i might not be a Cathay genjol, but i hope i will always be informed for the outings and all. Because SB-CY is one of my family. Having me, Izzat, Fiona, Faqir, Ifwat, and Taufiq in each and every of your mind is not what i asked for. And Partners of SB-CY, you guys may not always be in my mind all the time, but you guys are always in my heart.

...in a good or bad way.Like it or not, life is like a bitch.

2009-03-04T07:18:00.000-08:00

For unexplained reason I love you for who you are…

For meeting you was a fate, becoming your friend was a choice made but falling for you was completely not in my control. For all I know that I was already in a quicksand, I harder I try to escape, the deeper I’ll just fall. I try to respect your decisions and do as what you asked for, but it’s a feeling that we are talking about here. Something that is unplanned for it to come something that you can’t get hold on to, easy to say, it’s uncontrollable.

For some reasons that I can’t truly know and find, the little-lest things and the tiniest words from you are in the back of my mind. The things I willing to know about you and the favorites and the nots are all store. I remembered it so well that I don’t why I’m doing it. The tiny actions that I do that you may overlook and not know, I think it’s all for you. You know the tiny actions like hmmm cutting your hair short just because you say it gonna be nice. And the maybe, the quitting of habits that you hated. It seems unexplainable.

I love you for what you are, for who you are and for you being yourself around me. Not the mask that you won’t put on just to show people about yourself which indeed not you. I love the way you talk to me, those smiles and laugh like a hyena that makes up you. Those natural looks and small eyes and the low unbridged nose that couldn’t hold any sunglasses. The only thing that hold the sunglasses are you cheeks.

And definitely I love that you have this insane way of talking in circle that makes perfect sense.

And I want to be the guy that’s running to you telling my feeling to you with out of breath

For you to know what you are is always know what you’re not.

…and I’ll try to distance myself as you wish for.

Love,

emi

2009-02-20T22:49:00.000-08:00

When limelight of your days just chose not to light anymore...

I got nothing more to blog about because things are as bored as it used to be.

Oh, and RDP is going o have a photo shoot for the public.

...you days seems plain and empty and you got nothing to say.

Love,
emi

2009-02-16T21:24:00.000-08:00

For some reason,you made me smile,

How captivating it was to see couples out on 14th and i amazed to see how love was actually in the air.
I need someone to love me, to comfort me and to pamper me. And i want to be in the mood of love.
It's just amazing how someone can really sacrifice for the love he wants.
Being loved or loving, which is better?
I don't know either. Some say being loved by someone is way better as you know you will get the attention all the time. And some say loving someone is better. Because its just the feeling that you have that can make you do things you actually never want to do and only see them on movies. It's still a mystery to me.

I want to fall in love, because i think i forgot how it feels like to be in one. Because i think this heart won't just give in and i know i have to start all over again from the start.

For some thing when you are in craze you tend to say out words without thinking.I tried my best to not let you be confused with my words but i am really bad at words. Its a lesson learn though. Because i can't backtrack to history and change my words, but what i can do now is settle it down. I was unhappy how the conversation ends because you were unhappy how it ends. The whole thing, you can blame me. All of it. What i want to do now is talk to you face to face so you can see my expressions.

...I can't explain

love.

2009-02-08T04:00:00.000-08:00

With quoted saying, it means a lot.

"Love is about finding one thing that you really care about. That one special thing that mean more to you than anything else in the world. And when you find her, you fight for her. You risk it all. You put her in front of everything. Your future, your life, all of it. And maybe the stuff you help her isn’t so clean. Know what it doesn’t matter. In your heart you know, that the juices worth the squeeze. That’s what love is all about."- The Girl Next Door the movie.

"The is actually no bad person in this world, the person you are referring to are not called bad people. They are actually same like us. You and me. Just that this people than you are referring to made bad decisions. So there are no bad people, just bad decisions."-...

And if loving you is wrong, then i don't wish to be right.

Love
emi

2009-02-04T20:22:00.001-08:00

Look into my eyes, and you decide...

I need signs. I'm still in a confused state. I think Miss A is referring to someone else. Or maybe not. I don't know.
It's a matter of feelings, where you can't force me to love someone that i don't want to. And you can't force me not to love when my heart is saying another thing. It's feeling, uncontrollable, yet can also be destructive.

When you want to fall in love, there isn't the right girl for you. But when you don't plan to fall in love, the girl just appear for you. That's when situation is conflicting.

I wish to be the knight behind the mask to save you at the top of the castle tower. Because its the same as the shrek. The ugly and the beast.

...if the love you see in my eyes is just a lie, we can say goodbye.

Love,
emi

2009-02-01T05:47:00.000-08:00

Because this song forget the past and found you not really that far...

Never meant to drive you away,
Guess i got to sacrifice,
Baby, you're weak back then.

So i took those steps,
Leaving you hanging dry,
To take on the other path.

If you call tonight,
I'll say i'm doing fine,
I know you know me too much,
You'll just say that's a lie,
Baby, you may think i'm crazy,
But it's okay, I don't mind.

ahah, ahahahaha, ahaha

ahahm ahahahah, ahaha

Never meant to drive you away,
Guess i got to sacrifice,
Baby, you're weak back then.

So i took those steps,
Leaving you hanging dry,
To take on the other path.

If you call tonight,
I'll say i'm doing fine,
I know you know me too much,
You'll just say that's a lie,
Baby, you may think i'm crazy,
But it's okay, I don't mind.

If you call tonight...x2

...and it opens the door to you.

2009-01-29T19:46:00.000-08:00

'Cause i miss you, body and soul so strong that it take my breath away...

Thanks for the night out with didi, awi, dzul and shahidah. At least some advice about life is gained from it. And didi for the torturous 2 hour plus of digging out my secrets out of myself.

But i think it was a good thing. Cause i think i should know what to do next. Maybe. The next very step and let time decides it.

I think from what didi did, she probably get a hint or two. Maybe. And i became speechless when she called. Didi, it's just me.

My soul is raging to get out there to find out the truth. Underneath those facial expression, behind those smiles, The truth.

Well, it have been long since that i fell, and i thought i will never again. But when you can't control yourself, you will fall. And the feeling of falling is once again felt and how much you enjoy that fall. Because this is not a usual fall. It's a sweet sweet fall.

...and i breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today.

Love,
emi

2009-01-28T23:05:00.000-08:00

Because when you are down, that's when the best part of you reveal.

Thanks for the unpleasant arguments over your wrong approach of making me pissed.
because it actually made a best out of me.

well, i get the original songs figured out.not really everything.
but at least 85% of it.

thanks for making it the worst day of my life ever since years back.

Love,
emi

2009-01-28T22:49:00.001-08:00

Because pretty dress actually suits you most...

Ironically, it suits you when u actually don't really wear skirts and dresses.
I just can't be not me and praise you that you actually look good in that dress. That's me. Because i just can't say it out.
I think it's just ego. or maybe just me.

Anyway, i already got plan X planned out. Because i did sleep a wink last night. And my paycheck will be gone. :,(

...and only you.

Love,
emi

2009-01-19T17:38:00.000-08:00

Just another stranger in the crowd.

Fucking stop assuming! Yes it have been long. But if i never contact how can we plan! Fuck it the whole idea.

People just label you because what you did was bad and leave a scar in someone's life. But the good thing is often forgotten and never seen.

I'll post on dear Amanda's celebration soon! Been busy. Sorry love. Will post it soon alright.
love,
emi

2009-01-18T18:51:00.000-08:00

The uncolored rainbows.

I can foresee that my days will be plain and just straightforward. Nothing of much expected desired happenings like how others are.

So much for being there when i needed someone.

Well, i just need some crazy people to color my rainbows to make it happening. Like doing new things that i never did before. Just do thing on how things should not be. Because that's what we call fun.

Hate it.

Love,
emi

2009-01-14T04:06:00.001-08:00

Just as expected. People perspective come without thinking, came in the first thought that comes to their mind.

I know the previous post can hurt a lot. But just analysis my title for this post. It's just nature. People are all the same. How is it? Just with their nature way of thinking. That's when what i can call typical.

I know it really hurts. But, did you ask yourself why the reason i do all this? It's because you are someone that is the closest to me, to my heart. I don't want you to keep on breaking down and blame yourself and things around you. Because you got to learn something to earn that experience, that knowledge.

Maybe my way is not on your comfort because all your peers are just showing what they call 'always being there for you'. Maybe my approach is different. Because i treat you more than someone that we call friends is the reasons to my actions. Here i am to explain everything. But i know there you will be sitting on the other side of the world reading my post and feeling all fumed up.

But guess what, i guess we should kinda look things on a different way. Like how we used to last time. Finding the meaning and the reasoning of one actions. Because, you and me, understands there is either a small or big reasonings to people actions.

For mine, it is just to make you learn about people and how difficult life is going to be out there. Why i do this? Because i can't afford to see you breaking down every moment you face a hard time in life. People out there, are evil, mean, hypocrites and maybe some, just some handful are just a little trustworthy.

We get so pampered and thankful with people around us just being there when we needed them, But will that make you grow as an individual? Honestly yes, but just temporary and you will go back to your old self being small and weak and afraid of taking up risk in life.

Trust me, what I've did, I know its harsh and hurtful to know the truth. But i guess you will remember this moment of my actions your whole life. And yes, thats is when you learn about life. And you grow up not to be the person that you were back then.

You know what kind of person i am. To what kind i belong to. And what kind i hated most. Because if you tell me that I've change alot, I'll just say no, it's the same old me. Just the deepest me where you don't get the chance to discover.

I am not here to beg from you for forgiveness for what i've done and stuff. Bla bla bla. Because i know what i'm doing and i have your welfare at heart.

There is no bad people in this world, just filled with people who made wrong decisions.

Love,
emi

2009-01-11T19:48:00.000-08:00

I guess it’s a little too late now.

I had to say this because time has proven me wrong and right at the same time.

A moment where situation is not at their right place, reminiscing and reflecting what had happened tells what a person I am.

At moment like this where things aren’t falling into the right places, thoughts come to me and my mind when down the memory lane. How I made stupid decisions. How much I hated myself for all those things I did. How much I miss our moments. Why I act drastically and left the happy moments. Why I left what I had put so much effort in. It’s now in doubt.

Every time I end work and sat at that ledge outside that big logo and brand name, it always recall about you.

Time has proven me wrong. And it proves me right too. You, who I doubt that we couldn’t go far and how weak you were that can pull me down to my dreams. Reasons why I left, I realized it was such a childish act. And time has proven, unlike you, I can’t find and be comfortable for a replacement. My bad, my mistake, my responsible, my regrets. For everything else, life’s still goes on.

But time also proves my actions right. For you being so dependant and weak, you being so comfortable in your comfort zone. For us human, we will think of the negative perspective. But for me, I find everything is good. For what happened, if it didn’t happened, you wouldn’t be out there learning about the different evil kind of people in the real world. And you wouldn’t be growing so fast by learning about the world. I’m proud of you. Very proud.

As always, things happened for a reason.

Love,

emi

2008-12-11T20:37:00.000-08:00

Missed out something that so close, because we don't bother. As the furthest is always what we look at.

On the 11th.

Exactly 2 months back.

My treat is still on hurhur.

Hahaha.

Love,
emi

2008-12-10T19:35:00.000-08:00

It's not just the surface. Indeed it's in depth.

In LOVE, sometimes it's NOT,
About what you GET,
But it's about,
What you GIVE.

Not all about looks. But what's growing inside that have been planted rooted to the heart. That's what love is all about.

Since it's going to be Christmas (And at Christmas people tell the truth.)

Do you ever feel that sometimes you are forgotten? When the phone does not ring anymore. And people not finding you anymore. When you have no one to go home with, no one to talk to, and you are not in their mind and your absent is not felt by them at all.
You just feel empty. Pure empty.

Love,
emi

2008-12-08T22:06:00.000-08:00

Because you have to learn to learn. Because it doesn't stop anywhere.

Alright, it have been long I've updated. I just need to focus on my health for now. It's getting worse, for now.
And i guess i need a brand new stuff of things:
-Black Shoe
-More black and white plain tops
-Pants and jeans
-Bermudas
-Wallet
-Oh, a new pair of earpiece.

This are the stuff i currently need badly!
And for those who have been shopping with me, i can be very fussy and choosy and particular on things i get. Which is irritating.

Here are some photos i want to load.

This is how i miss playing the guitarHow i miss singing to you But this time its to Si Kental nie.
At least i was crazy for a moment despite my health
Think this is a cool pic!
I aren't emo. Just thinking

Sorry Bud and Ima tk ajak. It was a total last min thing.

Love,
emi

2008-11-28T00:00:00.000-08:00

Passion with desire, possibility is nil.

"Airmata" by Kalysa.

http://www.myspace.com/kalysatheband

Check this out!
And guess what?! She's my friend! OMG! And she was the one help me and my friends on the lyric for our song for 2006 prom night!

I thought she play soccer only, now singer also sey!
Good job girl!
All the best for the future endeavours!

Hope we get to meet up in the showbiz industry.

Love,
emi

2008-11-26T19:44:00.000-08:00

To make a day, with a smile in the sleep.

Take a look at me and you will understand why.

[Me]: Syaza, take a look at this!
[Syaza]: Tsk. (Pushes me away)

[Me]: eh, Syaza jealous? And what was that for?
[Syaza]: That was for being so sweet.

[Me]: Sweet? Is this sweet?
[Syaza]: Yalah. Where got guys do this all.

[Me]: Huh? As this simple?
[Syaza]: Guys are normally selfish and not thoughtful.

[Me]: So am i part of the guys?
[Syaza]: Tsk. No lah!

That's why i always turn to her for anything. She's the best person to make me lighten for the day and put my negative thoughts away.

The tiny bronze box, the unopened heart.
Love,
emi

2008-11-24T22:50:00.000-08:00

Of HeartFelt Sincerity

It was scary to read the paper today like i usually do. Because what i see will be the same thing again and again. And i decided to check the news online today. Just seems that this political stuff happened just at the wrong timing. And yet it suppose to be a good timing for you. Just take care and come back in one piece uh. Hahahahaha.... And trust me it will end just that if you focus more on the solution. Rather than the problem. *smiles*

And in class was dry today. And simply the slackest module ever. My grades for this are good, but from the start of the semester i never fail to get a red graded attendance for this module. That means i'm never early for this class. Early, early for 2nd meeting uh. Hahahaha. So i check out the net with the school lappy. It was kinda fucked lappy i can say at first but it got better at a few ons and offs. And its faster. And i found some stupid or clumsy and cute stuff and i think i want to share to at least make your day.

For the cute one.

And the clumsy one.

Oh, H, stop bullying me orh. I still haven't figure that meaning of "pfft". And "=.=" and more other symbols and words that people text me with. All this while right, i act only i know. And and, when i think again on what we talk over on the convo, i think it funny eh. Like small kid uh. Hahahaha. And you better stop with your bullying and be more like me. A good decent boy. ;)
Till then,

Love,
emi

2008-11-23T21:34:00.000-08:00

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is mystery.
And today is yesterday's tomorrow.

I opened the box where it contain all my memory. Took it out and somehow reminisced about that yesterday.

And i think it's time for me to throw all that, or better to burn them. To turn them into ashes and free them to the air. I think yesterday have become a history and i think i'm ready for a better tomorrow.

No one is to be blamed for the past. No one is at fault. I'll delete everything that is considered a memory. But again our memory is not digital it will somehow come and go but i am sure that i'm over and done about yesterday.

Today is today. Today decide what happens tomorrow. I'm waiting for that magic rainbow. I want something to happen to enlighten my day and my everyday of tomorrow.

I just want to say and have something for you. It may be nothing and you may get more of them when you go there in three days time but i hope you value it differently. I mean I don't ask it to be valued. It just nature i thought. But you are you and you have your choices. Being there for you is never a burden and is never being ask to be returned. You'll understand it one day hopefully.

I did talk to my mum and dad about this and this is the first time i am doing it. As in talk about relationship with them. And yes they are indeed very experience. They advice me on somethings and good and bad about girls and bring me out of the shadow on what kind of girl you are and what i should do. They are so supportive which is so surprising.

So to you, it is good that you are being self-centered but you should think about others sometimes too. Friends and their emotions. And, things can lead to misunderstanding if you did that to the wrong person, like what happened before. You ought to do some soul searching and understanding yourself more. And you can stop being a person you are not. Pretending to be someone you are that you are certainly not. It is just something i realize about you. Through pictures. Your old you and the you you are now.

I am here with His power. And i can't deny that. I hope you will have a great trip there (even though it is quite a scary situation there) and do what you enjoy most and come back with a big, big smile on your face. Hope this break does make a difference to you.

Because i'll always stay here and wait.

Love,
emi

2008-11-20T20:20:00.000-08:00

"treat other like how you want to be treated."

Finally, its over baby!

171108 is the day to remember.

Love,
emi

honey honey, oh sugar sugar

2008-11-09T20:08:00.000-08:00

Indian Rojak!
It was long since i had this. Well, i just did. Just two days ago. Aha! Although, it wasn't the best rojak ever, it was a best time spend i guess.

Aha!
I just want to be as crazy as i used to be and stay that way. I need that pill. That ecstasy pill.

Love,
emi

2008-11-05T22:07:00.001-08:00

The white Rhythm

Singapore Arts Festival

The beginning of our journey

We are transmitted with Rhythm Madness

This are the people with the craziest ideas!

Rhytm de Pasion a.k.a RDP
17th Nov 2008.
Esplande Concourse
7pm
BE THERE!

Just take a look how we have moved. From nothing to something.
Our music will make u move. I bet ir will.
We've climb higher, but we are not done. It doesn't stop. We are going higher.

And yes, we've make it 10 recently. The outblasting flexy fast wristking wrist WAN. Welcome to the club, brother of other mother.

Rhythm.De.Pasion(RDP) will be performing at esplanade very soon! As this is our very 1^st appearance at Esplanade and obviously a platform after recently entering in the billboards in esplanade, I would like invite all of you brothers and sisters to come and give us your fullest support on this event as it will really meant a lot to me having you people; the closest supporters, friends and crazy audiences that is to be present on this event.

Do bring your friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, whatever friends close or far as there would also be media coverage and we would like to see all your crazy faces in those video yea!

Till then, I hope to see you at The Concourse to be crazy and rock with Rhythm.De.Pasion!

www.rhythmdepasion.multipy.com
www.myspace.com/rhythmdepasion

Do come and support us. Because without you we are nothing.
Thanks for the support and hope you continue supporting us!

love,
emi

2008-11-04T00:47:00.000-08:00

The smile on me may just be a pretend.

All those words I've read, I think i still failed.
I can never succeed. Never.
I tried. And keep trying. But the end result still a mystery.

Because no signs at all. Cause it can bring me to the lowest as well.
To you i pray,
Show me the way, open the door and allow me to enter.
Because i just wanna do better than before.
Myself and to you.

Don't want it to be this way anymore.
It did touched me and see for far and know that what i can do is limited and i can't do more.
I tried and tried. And i pray and pray. Just to see more smiles.
More smiles.

Dear You,
You're the only way i believe that can help. Here i pray to you, ease the pain, show the smiles. Show the way to the light and bring the cheerfulness in her. I'll trade for whatever it takes. Because i am running out of ways. Running out of energy. It's running dry. But i still want you to help her. Because i can't. With your mighty, your power, to create humans and plan the world, you can answer my prayers. You can change the situation. Time, i am willing to wait. You tested me with time, and i prove to you i waited. But, now, i need you to change it. Everything. I think a lot and you made me think like that. To have to care and to be the person i am now. But this is it, i have to turn to you, i need your help. Change it. Bring her out of this. Because i just can't see her in the lowest anymore. Please answer my prayers.

Amin.

I care for a reason. And you know the reason.

2008-11-02T18:09:00.000-08:00

A day where the sun shines with a smile and the sky filled with glittering stars.

A long stroll + A good spot + Packed food + Best scenery + Calm waves + Good Music
= Peace Mind.

Hope it made your day.

"There is nothing special about me
I am just a little star
If you try to reach out and touch me
You'll see that I'm not really that far
Oh, I may not be the brightest, nor am I the last one you'll see
But as long as you notice, that's just fine with me. "

It's a song about you. I guess you just have to hear it.

2008-11-02T18:04:00.000-08:00

Killing One goal with Two Golds.

2 Champions in within two months. Div 2 RP Spartans & POL-ITE RP Salsaz
Sweet Sweet victories.
Champion Train Losers Complain.

2008-10-29T02:36:00.000-07:00

For everything else, you're something special.

2008-10-20T18:33:00.000-07:00

An impact that can leave a scar.

Life has been great when I’m around you. I seem to not care about anything else.

Letting time decide is the best thing for me. Hoping and expecting isn’t about me at all. But we man can’t run from the fact that we somehow will feel a sense of expectations.

I just wish you could give it a chance to know me and understand me. I don’t understand myself for now.

Talking to you make me smile, being around you make me ecstatic. How can you explain that?

Let alone the feeling be wild free. Let it be unknown. Because I just love to have you around me.

But I just don’t want to be the guy in you sad movie.

Love,
emi

2008-10-19T20:14:00.000-07:00

Uncontrollable.

Sometimes things are just uncontrollable. Not things as in things literally. Stuff like feelings. It's not that you asked for it to happen. It is just the things that you can never control.

I am a simple person. Nothing complicated in me. I don't why i am posting this entry.
Things just happened like that. And some i can't explain.

Like your name that is in my phone. It still remain as the name u type yourself. So every time u text me, the name remind me the days.

Things like me going all the way to Outram despite my 24 hours of tiring and long shift. I can't explain why i am doing this. Can somebody explain to me this?

I am in a confuse that why i am doing all this.

2008-09-22T00:51:00.000-07:00

Damn!
I still have the feeling of not satisfied with the previous game.

Well, as always, life goes on.

2008-09-11T00:21:00.000-07:00

Alright, it had been long I ever update, probably this blog can say to be dead. Well people may think a lot of things why I didn’t update and stuff. But whatever it is, I have my reasons. Well, a schedule packed month of august is over. Sister’s engagement finally over. But that does not end there. I still have Division two games over the weekends. And floorball training everyday of the weekdays. Why? Because POL-ITE is in second week of October. Right after Division two season end. In between the time, we have to do discussion and start fund raising for RP floorball trip to Finland for the 3rd World University Championship. RP is representing Singapore in the championship. And amount a player must pay per person is like a bomb!

Anyway, we are in the second placing in the Div 2 league. And me, I’m the top scorer in RP team. (: Hope I can get better so that I can get better opportunities. We need to win the rest of our game in order to get promoted to Division 1. Whatever it is, all the best for RP Spartans.

RDP. RDP have been improving from the day we started. Now, we get performances more than we expected. New songs are coming up really quickly. But what I can say is that I would thank all RDP members for understanding me with my busy schedule. Doing two things that I love at the same time is not easy. But someone told me, if you want it, you don’t stop yourself from having it. That’s why I don’t want to give up on both. Yes, someone said sometimes you got to give up things in life, but I guess these are two things I will never give up.
And yes Syaza lovely, you’re missed greatly. Okay GREATEST okay. At least talking on the phone for a while yesterday kind of to remind you that I’m still alive eh. Even though it was you who called. (: One day, break fast together. Okay? I’ll try to squeeze the time. And BE HONORED! (,”)

Love,
emi

2008-08-05T18:24:00.001-07:00

I am busy
I am tired
I cannot update.

2008-07-20T18:39:00.000-07:00

As simple as A B C D…

The fighting spirit in each and every RP Spartans floorball team never die until the final blow of the whistle. RP Spartans vs Endura SuperReds. This was the match that somehow turned out to be like some motivational movies like Coach Carter, The Glory Road and more. Rp Spartans were down 0-2 in the first period. But the show didn’t end there. The play became better on our side but more physical coming from the Endura’s.

With technically, the Endura will win the match but RP Spartans didn’t just give up. The game was totally theirs but we wanted to win. We didn’t ask for the win from them but we snatched it from them. The 3^rd and the last period where all the drama was, fights started and vulgarities were thrown. Referees were somehow biased as they are unsure with their decisions.

3 goals came in the 3 periods. A goal each from every line. The game became more physical, illegal moves and dangerous plays were shown. Emotional overcome the mental power in this period. I was one of the victims in the dangerous play from them. Illegal tackling from them with intentional injuries made to me. I hurt my left hip badly that I can’t stand after math. I had to be carried out by the teammates. Captain Hazwan was frustrated and approached the opponents and the officials. I have to go for a physio appointment this week.

But after that, my line was called to standby I decide to just continue play with a limp. Somehow, it was an energy booster. The spirit was high; the hunger for the ball grew more. Till the end of the game, drama still continues.

As simple as A B C D-

Attitude- Positive winning attitude, boil until perfect then add in some

Basic- Basic technique to perfection. Stir well. Add some spice of

Communication- Communication and understanding the team play. Before putting in the oven add some

Discipline- Play within the rule of the game. To perfect the end result, decorate the game with some fighting spirits and hunger to win.

Leave it to air for the rest of the time.

At the end, the fighting spirit still continues.

End of match RP Spartans 3-2 Endura SuperReds.

RP Spartans unbeatable record from division 3 continues.

…with a spice of the fighting spirits and hunger to win dominates.

Love,

emi

2008-07-16T22:53:00.000-07:00

Life is like a drama, you are your own role...

Life is like a library owned by the author.
In it are a few books which he wrote himself,
but most of them were written for him.
-Harry Emerson Fosdick

Dost thou love life?
Then do not squander time,
for that is the stuff life is made of.
-Benjamin Franklin

And one original words of wishdom that i think does make sense typed across someone's PM which is:

in three words,
I can sum up everything
I've learnt about life:
"it goes on"
Credited to: Izzah Liyana
(Sorry babe, use yours)

...the only difference is there is no"Cut!" because there s only 1 "Action!"

Love,
emi

2008-07-15T21:20:00.000-07:00

If you're someone special in my eyes...

Coz i'm addicted to you.

And i want to grow old with you.

Will that happen?

ever?always?forever?

...what am i to you in those eyes, in the present and the future?Can i be the same in yours.

Love,
emi

2008-07-10T18:12:00.000-07:00

It's no use...

You said, you are stronger now.
You said, you are not dependent no more.
You said, you want negativity no more.
You said, you are egoless.
You said, you are just stubborn.

But, i want you to sit infront of the mirror and ask yourself. Don't lie to yourself. Because it won't help you to be what you said.

Every time we meet, you would talk and never stop about your friends. Don't i have friends too. When i want to talk, you would just stop me and talk about your friend indirectly. How much longer must i give in?

In situation, you always want to win. And i will always be a loser. When advising you, you will always talk back and never listen. What's the use of talking to me if you don't want to listen to my advises.

I know i was at fault before. And, i tried to be a not be the same but i gave in too much i guessed. But how much longer should i give in? Cause i can't anymore.

I'm depressed.

...if words just doing the saying

Love,
emi

2008-07-08T00:39:00.000-07:00

Actions speaks...

I don't really use words to describe of prove somethings. Therefore, words don't really sweep me of my ground. People can say they are this and that but the truth will reveal once they are with actions.

Because humans forget what they say. Our memory power is strong but is not strong enough to remember what we say. Saying specials words may sweep people off at times. But sooner or later it won't work anymore. Actions shows more. But the fact that humans love it to be clear and simple.

Just wish that people love reading people actions. But it leads to assumptions.

...louder that words

Love,
emi

2008-07-02T20:17:00.000-07:00

There is no bad people in the world...

Life been great with Floorball and other things occupying me all the time.Anyway, i made it to the Division 2 instead of Division 3 team. I think i need to strengthen the muscles around the joints in in body especial the knee, coz the joints are not a strong joint where you need the muscles around it to wrapped and link each muscles to support the joints. I think now i learn alot in school rather in year 1.

Okay now, i got a friend who thought she cannot live without someone she love. And from my point of view she did blame herself and also the other party. And to make sure u are aware, there is no bad people, only that they make bad choice. But girl i know you can go through this with or without me.

One of friend of mine also had the same experience but this time not attached yet. She's just disappointed with the guy she know. We are not close at all but i think its that we have chemistry whenever we meet like we can talk and we can click fast. Probably thats why she tell me about her.

Nevermind, hope this happens for a reason. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is mystery and today is a gift, that is why it is called present.

...just that people make bad choices.

Love,
emi

2008-06-19T18:39:00.000-07:00

It have been long since...

Okay sorry people i was super duper super busy for updates for my blog. During the holidays was packed with sessions and performances plus FB trainings.

I think FB is super fun. I think im getting my old self again. The active and sporty part of me. One thing that is super headache for me is, i can find time to work. I'll be like overly tired for the weekends from all the jam packed weekdays. But, performances do help me financially at least. Like few hundreds per head is quite alot already. Just cant wait to be way up there being at the same level as Wicked Aura Batucada. Ouh yes, Rhythm De Pasion had finally launch ''Feel It". Our very first percussion with vocal. And more songs should be coming up. but i think now, we should concentrate a liitle more on school. For now at least.

Anyway, Floorball training nowadays are getting crazy. I'm dead beat by the time i reach home. Plus, my knee is now talking to me. My old injury from the traffic accident could contribute to the knee injury i have now. I did see the physio, and was told i could be the MCL which is the Medial Collateral Ligament, which i learn about in Sport Phsyiology. At least, it is still a good new that it is not the ACL which is more serious.

Division 3 floorball is starting realy soon. I hope i made it in for the team. And made it to injury free few trainings before it kick off. I see a few players having knee problems and injuries too. Quite scary though. Ouh ya, H, i've bumped into her a few times, i think she look better. No ore limping. Hope she's doing really well. Heard she is a good player in RP floorball girls. Hope to hear from you soon.

Love,
emi

...this blog seems to be alive

2008-05-21T23:39:00.000-07:00

Oh oh oh balik kampung...

Yes! I went back to kampung at Kluang, Johor Malaysia. No not to Selangor. Coz i rode there. As my ther family members on car and my sis and her soon to be fiancee on bike too. Half way there my whole legs are aching. But i did my test ride there. I rode like 180km/hr. But the best thing about there is that you ride in the dark! Their highway have no freaking lights! Except for every exit which ismore than 20-30 km apart!

So i meet i grandaunt there. She look exactly like my late grandma. It was a waste la that she wanted to bring up to her fruit farm. or the ladang or kebun as she said to me. There's durian, Duku, and other fruits la. But too bad since we came like 2 weeks later. So she say we should come in the June holidays as she want to bring us to Gunung Berlumut where pure waterfall is.
Yeah. my sis took some picture of the trip la.

So let the pictures do the talking.

Mum&Dad

Sis&soon to be fiancee
Me&cousin
I love playing this!!
Aha! I rode this in JB!my second baby!
I rode this in Singapore!
I just love the simplicity of their life.
Grandaunt seem so happy when we are back!

My rocking little brother.

The devil angel. My little sister!
The beautiful simply house.
The long road that can last longer than u thought.

I just love the simplicity of live there. No worries about the life of the busy city.

Bath without a shower but manual, eat the simple food. It's just calm and beautiful!

...Hati riang

2008-05-20T18:13:00.000-07:00

SAF-Singapore Arts Festival

Damn! It is a big event people! I was looking forward to this event every year. What makes it special this year is my band is performing in Singapore Arts Festival. Cool or what! haha.

Well, we were invited to perform for three occassions.

It's this friday,23rd May! It's the opening ceremony!

So we are performing on :

23rd May '08 at Boat Quay at 730pm.
15th June '08 at Jurong Point at 4pm
East coast Lagoon at 730pm

Do look out for a percussin band named Rhythm De Pasion or RDP.

2008-05-08T18:31:00.000-07:00

PISCES

The Dreamer -Generous, kind, and thoughtful. Very creative and imaginative. May become secretive and vague. Sensitive. Don't like details. Dreamy and unrealistic. Sympathetic and loving. Kind. Unselfish. Good kisser. Beautiful.

Wow!
I'm surprised!!

2008-05-07T07:56:00.001-07:00

That song.

You knew it was my all time favourite. Honestly, although it was my all time favourite, i stopped listening to in like almost a year ago. But now, with you infront of me now, i want to listen to it again.

Brings back all the beautiful memories.

2008-05-06T23:24:00.000-07:00

Crossing to the arms of joy by the full bustle street...

Alright. I just missed the way we were. I missed your head on my shoulder on journeys. I missed your arm around mine in bus rides. I missed the words to said to when I leave my perfume smell on you. I missed the punches and pinches you gave me.
Where did all this go? I’m glad I’ve put that egoistic emi behind and not bring it to the present. I need that back. Crawling to them slowly. You know what I don’t what to type. I just missed all those things we did together.

Honestly.

...I want to make it there.

2008-04-27T00:35:00.000-07:00

It's not just another sport...

Floorball
Yeah, i took up a new IG, Floorball. First, i join just because i wanted to get a sports IG but after what i been through trainings and the small intro on welcoming the new year 1s in floorball, it got me all motivated to get better and improve on floorball. Coz now its not just another sport IG.

Now, im pretty busy with school and activites. I'm slacking on BE and focusing more on Floorball. Hoping RDP will not be affected much. I'm balancing both of them. RDP and FB.
RDP is because i enjoy the performing person i am now. And FB is to where it will bring me in future.

Definitely i cant afford to continue studying for Us. My parents can't afford that much. So after the intro what Wilson, e advisor told the year 1s, caught me thinking. Even if i work my ass off to get money for my further studies, hell it wont be enough. So i want a scholarship from this. I'm gonna do all i can to get them. Five days traning, a social suicide, be it. It's my future i'm talking about.

It's the best opportunity i think i should grab. I hope my friends can understand this if i've been missing in our gatherings.

....It's the future that i'm talking about.

tonight will be the night that i will fall for you, over again

2008-04-21T08:26:00.000-07:00

actually i dunno why i put that up as a title. I just like e words. or maybe its true. But let the feeling lead me to wherever it will go.

Basically, in year 2 is nothing much but just more stress and pressured. Higher expectations, more demanding, busy here and there. Grrr. It's better to be in year 1. More relax and chill.

Okayy, tonight will be the night that ill fall for you, over again. But will you fall for me?
Okay i am so irritated with my hair already. Cut or dun? Same say leave it and some say i look like thai people. And some people like say i look like a contractor but still ask me to keep it, right H?

Alright, i worn out from today. monday blues, with sucky module and faci. urgh!

This is especially for a new made friend, K
Alright, Thought of the day:
" Identify your problems, but give your power and energy to solutions."

--- Anthony Robbins

and to end it off here is something cute:

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says hello. He's rather taken back because he can't place where he knows her from.
So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."

What makes the world go round?

2008-04-21T08:19:00.000-07:00

Think again...

A decision that can paints the beautiful future or maybe not

2008-04-13T08:56:00.000-07:00

Alright. I met a friend today after work. And let's name this friend Anonymous.And we sit and talk for a while. Then, Anonymous pops out a qn that make me silent out for a moment.

"What is love, my friend?"

That is what Anonymous asked. I just smile and say it undefine. A word too strong to get a definition that truely mean the truth.
I left and it caught me thinking.

I think and never stop thinking. And this is what i think.

Love, is a feeling that is uncontrollable. It just happens and it will remain there as a mark. It is never a plan. Some may be clear and some may fade. But it is still there. Then, that is when heart comes in. The character or the inner beauty of that person that will truely caught your heart. The looks does not matter. But it is not cmoplete as yet.
This is the last thing that can determine it. The decision. The possibly high and right decision taht have to be made to paint that beautiful painting of tomorrow.

Feelings is beautiful. It just happen. Please don't blame them.
For those in love.Running away or being denial is just lying yourself. Show them your feeling or better be straight forward. It can be tough but it can be done. Be open minded and not expect anything in return. Especially their return feeling. Coz it will always pull you down. Letting it out is better to keep in buried.

One word i can say Decision.
That have t0 be the right one.

Love.

alrighty

2008-04-12T09:40:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the update ya. Im just busy with stuff here. Just see my everyday life kinda filled with everything in the world!
Mon-RDP session
Tue-Rugby trg(gonna be in rugby soon)
Wed-BE or work
Thurs- Rugby trg
Fri- work or silat trg
Sat-Work and busk(in certain wk)
Sun Work

Alright RDP was on Radio week ago. And we are like familiar to people as when we were at places ppl will be like "eyy, ure e one playing e other day"
Yeah basically hopefully we are gg up . And be like e idols of every percussion grp. The WAB,or Wicked Aura Batucada.
And soon, the schedule gonna be very tight! Like stuff going on with RDP. So it pretty bad now. I hope friend u people understand.
I dunno how im gonna juggle this all.
Like im gonna run ard like crazy person.
Basically i need money right now.
Coz firstly my bike need to get service. Its like so mendak eh or what u call it.yeah.
Then, sch fees need to be paid by May
Road tax expiring in Aug
Im gonna find a new job la. A better paying one i hope and the one can suit my sch timings.

And stuff for my closet..Its like empty now due to my old maid who threw like half of my clothes.

Actually i dunno what i really what..

Ill update soon.

Loves.

I've got dreams to remember

2008-03-17T09:33:00.000-07:00

I am now where i am. Being who i am not who i like to be. Im chasing those dreams no matter what no matter where. Being at this point of situation thats when u will have difficulties in making up a decisions. The right one i mean. What to let go off and what to hold on to. Dreams can be cruel but it will make us a better person.

Well, i just hope that we are going open mind and not be limited to things. I just want u and me to have millions of friends. And especially to those that we can count on.

Alright. That was all random. I was just thinking abt the future that can be scary and where i will be. Chasing those dreams or just be stuck somewhere to sacrifice those dreams upon something else which is much more needed attention.

Okayy,it had been long that i really go shopping. But I dont think i can anymore. Since i got a bike now. A heavy duty.lol. So means need to work much harder. I just wanna get new tops and a new pair of shoes, a sch bag and lastly one and only EVERLAST BAG. Sheesh!

Can i ask that for my belated bday gift mummy?gosh i just sounded like an idiot. But if there is some kind soul ill be wow!

Which path babe.

2008-03-13T20:22:00.000-07:00

Okayy, now i need opinions. Should i take up a part time degree course now?

13th March....

2008-03-13T19:48:00.000-07:00

Oh dearly somebody, i really thought that what had happened to us in the past really happens for a good reason. Although all the people ard you see it in a negative way,im looking at it in a good way. You would never be as strong as today. No more fragile u. No more weak u. Those 2 way thingy wont happen,those clearing thought that bug us and those open mind,it wont happen today without what happen in the past.

!3th march, i never thought you wont be a special day this year like any other years. This march 13th makes to the wonderful birthday ever. The simplicity of the random date that worked up although its not what D meant for. Those hug i receive ever so long. Those wishes that i was thrown through SMSes and calls emails and friendster. It feels just great having this wonderful earthling just remembering your birthdays. Although Birthdays are always about gifts,well for me i dont care abt all that. It's those thoughts that they have with just a simple wishes that will leave me smiling. These wonderful people around me, i just couldnt ask for more. You people are the greatest.

D thanks for the first wish and the gift and time spent. S darling, your wishes to me are just make me smile that i have a bestest friend that i can count on. SH, that sms me with the wishes.
Mama and abah for the sms wish. Ibu for the call and ayah for the late outing. F the old buddy W, DY,F, for the late sms wishes. L,N,A,ATT,N those wishes through friendster. V the offline msgs. A.H for the last wish. LOL. LMS and Ame through blog.And the rest that i never mention. You guys are loved. Late or early. i appreaciate it loves.New or old friends. i receive them all.

And especially for you thanks for those hugs

For once i thought it was real...

2008-03-03T20:35:00.000-08:00

Sorry i didnt update this for long.. Been busy with work,session and stuff.

But last week in busy times, i managed to so called open my eyes till late nights. I rang up my friend. We shared our problems alot. Each other. So called opinions and mindsets. But after an advice from this wondeful friend of mine i rang somebody somebody.

After much thinking about what mummy told you and her opinions, as hard as i had to swallow and as hurtful as it is, it was the fact and i just had to swallow it like a bitter medicine. Maybe more bitter.
So I rang u up and for once i thought it was for real that we will stop contacting and not meet. Just to ease mummy. For once at that point of time i thought u have changed your no and not inform me anything. I couldnt sleep and just thinking and thinking.
It was all about u the whole time.

Yeah. Man dude left for Japan last Sun morning. I went there to send him off. But he's coming back on the 8th. But leaving again on the 11th and this time for a year long. Dude, ure a lucky man! Travelling around world for free. Lol.

So Bud bday was over, i was totally broke to get him something. So was Yatt's. Man dude bday was a share item between me and dee. So i got to pay her back soon.Khabir's bday was over too and again no presents.

Soon its gonna be bestfriend bday and i dunno what to get her. Dee pls help. But whatever it is , hope u people are 1 year wiser and a year less childish. Lol.

Till then.

Loves.

N

28 things most girls don't know about guys

2008-02-21T04:46:00.000-08:00

Got this off somewhere.

1--Guys hate sluts even though they have sex with them!(oh yeah..you're not "popular" if you've slept with more than 6 guys..you're a HOE)

2--Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.

3--Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.

4--Guys will do anything just to get you to notice him

5--Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest.

6--Boyfriends need
to be reassured often that they're still loved.

7--Don't talk about your guy friends to your boyfriend.

8--Guys get jealous easily. [[maybe.]]

9--Guys are more emotional than they'd like people to think. [[i don't know for sure.]]

10--Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?!..uh...nevermind.." would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll obsess about it trying to figure it out.

11--Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like.

12--A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.

13--Guys love you more than you love them if they are serious in your relationships.

14--Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she doesn't notice it can make the guy think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it meant.

15--Guys seek for advice from girls not other guys. Because most guys think alike, so if one guy's confused, then we're all confused.

16--When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, "Please come and listen to me."

17--If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, you know something's up.

18--If your best guy friend seems to avoid you or is never around when you're with your boyfriend, he's probably jealous and likes you.

19--When a guy tells you that you are beautiful, don't say you aren't. It makes them want to stop telling you because they don't want you to disagree with them.

20--When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something.

21--Guys don't like girls who punch harder than they do.

22--A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.

23--Don't be a snob. Guys can be intimidated and give up easily.

24--Guys talk about girls more than girls talk about guys. [[FOR REAL??]]

25--Guys hate rejection, but they hate being led on even more.

26--If you are going to reject a guy,just do it. Don't say they are like a brother or just good friends, it just hurts even more. Tell them that you aren't interested in a relationship and they will respect you.

27--Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them.

28--When a guy sacrifices his sleep and health just to be with you, he really likes you and wants to be with you as much as possible.

Darl, if u happens to read them, do take note some numbers will ya...lol

Always Somewhere,Miss you where i've been

2008-02-20T08:27:00.000-08:00

I'll be back to love you again. To the songs thats playing

Today i guess i felt much better despite the fact that im running a flu though. I missed that company of yours and today i felt like it was again like before. And today the usual thing we did today was just like the same in the past.

The lunch date we had. But today was a little different as you wanted it to be. We did catching up at an open and different atmosphere. The Coffee Bean talks we had was just like what we had in secondary schools studying for O's.

The fact that you had the idea to sit under the star with a tub of B&J to come along our talks on the roof top of the place we used to study. As sucks as the view of the place,the view above is much better looking and talking at the same time.

The fact that every minute we walk and you will receive a call and you would talk all the way abandoning me to just be next to you while u blabbers on the phone. Probably i just missed that.
Alot.

The fact that we questioned each other about each other's liking and favourites. To be know that we still don't know each other much.I probably was aware that we were talking about down memory lane and how hurtful for me to hear them. But im learning to face it darl.

I just probably have to put all those egos aside and just be strong to face the truth and facts that will probably hurt alot. Im trying.
To whatever it takes and to wherever it takes.
And aas you wanted it not to end, so do i.

Thanks for today love.

And today you&&i know.
Loves.

I've read and i wanted to apologise

2008-02-18T22:26:00.000-08:00

I've read every single one of your post. It was really scary to see those assumptions you had to made on me. I'm just sorry. I was too afraid. I know you had to made those assumptions. But i guess i've cleared or somewhat told the truth in our 12-5 am phone calls last night. I know the word truth is not you believe it right now. But i can't stop you from doing that. But i hope where i am now and who i am now pictures out the real.

I don't know if this could work out since you had a hell before. I was afraid to admit and call and talk to you again. But eventually i did. And still i am still unsure if this can work out. I know that you're afraid so do i. That is why i say i don't know if this could work out. But still i'll try. No matter what it takes.

I was narraow-minded back then. Thinking that you will be a victim to my busy days. I was too afraid to see you suffer and that i can't be there for you. But i was mistaken. I made you suffer more with what i did. I really don't know who i am back then and why i did that. For now, as i am twice as busy as before i'll try my best to fit you in it. I'll try. I won't make any promises coz it won't work this time anymore.

I know i was a jerk,bastard, and bitch back then. You knew it so do i. I realise what i did and now i've admitted to them. I hope it is not too late though.

Now that i'm sorry, not only to you.

To your closest. F,a,y and at,I apologise for what i did and had all you people a victim of her swings and i know you people went through tough times too to help her stand on her feet on level ground. I'm truly sorry loves. You people are like a life to her. Thanks for taking care of her and helping her stand. But again i apologise that you people went tough times with her. Because of me.

To your favourite boys. i and k. Same goes again. I knew you people had tough times with her because what i did. My actions. I've admitted my mistakes after a dreadful 6 months. I just could face up to her and said sorry back then.

To your mum&dad&bro. You people are the most people that i really really ashamed to face up with. Even with my braced neck, we bumped at Changi, i was in total shocked to go up and say hi. I was in total shame. I'm sorry i hurt your only daughter and sis. I, myself couldnt find myself back then.

To your friend, I. I'm sorry that you had to put up with her venting of anger for months. The unpredictable behaviours. It was all cause by my stupidity. It all started from me. But i thanked you that i taken care of her all along.

To our closest buddy. Man dude. Bro, i knew i've disappointed you. I made this mistakes and i totally regret this. I'm trying to be who i am way before. I'm sorry that i wasn't there for both of you and had to be MIA for months. Thanks for being her pillar.

To whoever that she's close with. I'm sorry if she had been difficult for months. I realised it's all came from me.

For now apologising is all i can do. I mean i realise what i've done and i've admitted to them. I'll let time decide. I know it had been a hell out of 6 months for you. It was too for me but i guess you went much through much more.

I know you don't trust my words anymore but all i can say now is that i'll try. I'll pull myself and try to find myself first and then i'll try. To whatever it takes. The discriminations, or the hatred that you surrounding gonna give me. I know its gonna be hell out tougher . I am weaker than i am before.

I guess this is what i deserved. A one for one exchange. A tough time for you back then, and i think its gonna be tougher for me now. Like you said,sweet revenge.It's not only you i have to face but everyone around you. I know i will fall and keep falling. If you can make it, i guess probably i can too.

I'm just lost and i need directions for now.

Loves.

Step Up 2-The streets

2008-02-17T21:56:00.000-08:00

This looks wicked

The follow-up to the smash hit "Step Up", which ignited theaters in August 2006. When rebellious street dancer Andie (BRIANA EVIGAN) lands at the elite Maryland School of the Arts, she finds herself fighting to fit in while also trying to hold onto her old life. When she joins forces with the school's hottest dancer Chase (ROBERT HOFFMAN) to form a crew of classmate outcasts to compete in Baltimore's underground dance battle The Streets, she ultimately finds a way to live her dream while building a bridge between her two separate worlds. Featuring the directorial debut of award-winning up-and-comer Jon M. Chu, STEP UP 2 THE STREETS reunites much of the production team behind the original film including "Step Up's" cutting-edge hip-hop choreographer Jamal Sims, who is joined this time by choreographers Hi-Hat ("hip-hop's high diva of dance") and Dave Scott ("Stomp the Yard"). Patrick Wachsberger and Erik Feig of Summit Entertainment produce with Adam Shankman and Jennifer Gibgot of Offspring Entertainment.

Can't wait for it to be out in Singapore

It was e same as last time

2008-02-16T16:15:00.000-08:00

U know how it feels when u had me thinking and putting all i can to create that spark all over again..

Your words were helping me and pushing me out of the hole. But you know that your actions are still e same like last time. The don't care what i feel thingy. Or like don't bother to care about your feelings.

Your text reply was such a thing that brings me to recall how you were back then.

How would it feel when someone gives you the courage to climb out of the hole but later her actions indeed push you down deeper?

It's not that you can't do that but in the late night? What do you think i would think? Maybe you should read the email sent out. The guy's point of view.

But whatever it is. Nevermnind. I can't do anything at all since we are nothing. But i'm weaker than ever. So this is a blow to me. Indeed its like you dig another hole before i could even climb out of the first one..

Love.

I'll try

2008-02-11T20:44:00.000-08:00

[I tried and i hope the lyrics are right. Some i can't get it. Do edit for me pls]

hooo wohoo
oooooooo yeah

I wish i wish i wish

I guess it wasn't meant to be
No forever, no you and me
I wish it didn't have to be this way

But i know it's better off this way
Though it's hard for me to say
That's the worse in here i wanna be is a memory

*Chorus

I was so close but then so far away
Try to get your love
But i guess it wasn't meant to be that way
It's goodbye

Chorus

I'll try not to fake about you,
I'll try to live my life without you,
I'll try to _______________ girl

I'm gonna miss,
I'm gonna miss,
I'm gonna miss you.

I'll try to make it on my own
I'll try not to call your phone
I'll try to let you go

But girl,
I'm gonna miss,
I'm gonna miss,
I'm gonna miss you.

Youuuuuu

Gonna miss you babe
Gonna miss you babe

I thought love was on my side
Never thought that you would_________
Whatever breaking up now we wake up in the morning
To nothing but to me, myself and I

Would find it hard to fall in love again,
Cause my heart just won't give in,
It's hard to know i have to start again

*Chorus

No more happy ever after,
No more joy and laughter,
No more mine forever
No more

It's ain't a deal we asked for us to take
I found the love we had,Lost forever
I guess it wasn't meant to be that way
It's goodbye

Chorus

I'm gonna miss you,(Gonna miss,gonna miss gonna miss you)
I'm gonna miss you,(Gonna miss you babe)
I'm gonna miss you.(I'm gonna miss,I'm gonna miss,I'm gonna miss you.)

I'm gonna miss you,(Gonna miss,gonna miss gonna miss you babe)
I'm gonna miss you,(Gonna miss,gonna miss gonna miss you babe)
I'm gonna miss you.(I'm gonna miss,I'm gonna miss,I'm gonna miss you.)

P.S I Love You( ohh how sweet)

2008-02-11T19:37:00.000-08:00

Holly Kennedy is beautiful, smart and married to the love of her life--a passionate, funny and impetuous Irishman named Gerry. So when Gerry''s life is taken by an illness, it takes the life out of Holly. The only one who can help her is the person who is no longer there. Nobody knows Holly better than Gerry. So it''s a good thing he planned ahead. Before he died, Gerry wrote Holly a series of letters that will guide her, not only through her grief but in rediscovering herself. The first message arrives on Holly''s 30th birthday in the form of a cake and, to her utter shock, a tape recording from Gerry, who proceeds to order her to get out and "celebrate herself." In the weeks and months that follow, more letters from Gerry are delivered in surprising ways, each sending her on a new adventure and each signing off in the same way: "P.S. I Love You." Holly''s mother and best friends, Sharon and Denise, begin to worry that Gerry''s letters are keeping Holly tied to the past, but, in fact, each letter is pushing her further into a new future. With Gerry''s words as her guide, Holly embarks on a journey of rediscovery in a story about marriage, friendship and how a love, so strong, can turn the finality of death into new beginning for life.

It's the same way.

"Let's be like lamps or candles to light people's life."-Mother Theresa

2008-02-06T07:26:00.000-08:00

Remember the Small Things

Some of my sisters work in Australia. On a reservation, among the Aborigines, there was an elderly man. I can assure you that you have never seen a situation as difficult as that poor old man's.
He was completely ignored by everyone. His home was disordered and dirty.

I told him, "Please, let me clean your house, wash your clothes, and make your bed."

He answered, "I'm okay like this. Let it be."

I said again, "You will be still better if you allow me to do it."

He finally agreed. So I was able to clean his house and wash his clothes. I discovered a beautiful lamp, covered with dust. Only God knows how many years had passed since he last lit it.

I said to him, "Don't you light your lamp? Don't you ever use it?"

He answered, "No. No one comes to see me. I have no need to light it. Who would I light it for?"

I asked, "Would you light it every night if the sisters came?"

He replied, "Of course."

From that day on the sisters committed themselves to visiting him every evening. We cleaned the lamp and the sisters would light it every evening.Two years passed. I had completely forgotten that man. He sent this message: "Tell my friend that the light she lit in my life continues to shine still."I thought it was a very small thing. We often neglect small things.

- Anna A., Cracow

See how that qoute from Mother Theresa brings a left a big thing that we forgot and how be take things lightly.

What a day...

2008-02-06T06:42:00.000-08:00

Alright today seems to be like messy and yeah. Coz i have to fetch a bike at Kallang Avenue where i know nowhere. So i went there to with my blood brother sending me. There i thought i have to fetch company normal bike but to my nightmare it was VESPA! Coz i dunno how to right a vespa. Adding to the nightmare,manager called and asked me to just attachment at KALLANG BAHRU outlet. I was like WTH! Coz sending orders at that area where im not familiar at all. But then i was a fast learner to move around.Haha.

Then after work i have to send the Vespa to Pasir Ris. Which is nothing la. But unfornately god is putting this day a challenge to me. Wanna know why, Vespa run out of petrol. So got to fork out my cash to pump. But i was claimed then. During the journey back to Pasir Ris,i sorta saw a someone. But its not. So yeah. Again on the expressway i was feeling the riding style of Vespa. So it was fun have the riding style is totally different. I just love the riding style.

But again this gonna explain why i cant ride Vespa. I slotch! Half way i felt my back was hurting badly. Worse near the neck where my injury was.

So think is the Vespa. Outlook i give a 6/10 and engine 8.5/10. Aha!

And instead of going to Pasir Ris straight, i went around. To airport. First stop is the Terminal 2 i think. Then went to Budget Terminal. Aha! Then i go back to send the bike.

Alright after that i went home to change and meet the Bud,ima,sham, faizal,husain and yat. Yeah , my bandmate.At Padang. To my surprise things there was bringing back the past of my childhood memories! Why? Coz there was FUN FAIR!Cool or what having fun fair at town area.

I don't know what its called. Can't remember.

Yeah. so then we went home and me buy some food for my siblings and parents.

This is my youngest. Named Syahirrah Natallia.

Both of them.

Her again. We have the same straight hair syaza!haha.

And this his the brother. Named Sufi Iqmalhakim.

Yeah.

Love.

The value of yourself..

2008-02-04T20:34:00.000-08:00

Sometimes we just need to be reminded!

A well-known speaker started off his seminar by: holding up a $20.00 bill In the room of 200, he asked,

'Who would like this $20 bill?'

Hands started going up.

He said, 'I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this.'

He proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill ..

He then asked, 'Who still wants it?' Still the hands were up in the air.
Well, he replied, 'What if I do this?' And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty.

'Now, who still wants it?' Still the hands went into the air.

My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value.

It was still worth $20.

Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value. Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who DO LOVE you. The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know, but by WHO WE ARE and WHOSE WE ARE.

You are special - Don't EVER forget it.' If you do not pass this on, you may never know the lives it touches, the hurting hearts it speaks to, or the hope that it can bring. Count your blessings, not your problems.

'And remember: amateurs built the ark .... professionals built the Titanic. If God brings you to it - He will bring you through it.

Got this off an email which i think touches a deep feeling of my soul. A thing that we compared on money and ourselves. How surprising to say that we value money more then ourselves.

Love.

I'll try

2008-02-03T10:24:00.000-08:00

Whatever the song sang for you is true.
I'll try.

Whatever the song sang i can relate it to you.
I'll try.

Those words in it are just so you.
I'll try.

This is the song that when i hear it play i think about you.
I'll try.

But finally all that i can say it that i have no face.
To ask or to say it to you.

End of first journey...2 to go.

2008-02-02T22:00:00.000-08:00

It was fast to see how year 1 of my poly life ended. It seemed to be so fast. Whatever it was, the last day was ended with Wasabi Challenge by Christina, Enterprise Faci.Aha. But i had to leave early due to the fact that all my band mates are waiting for me at the lobby to head to town for our busking.

What a great day to end up with,busking. I was totally worn out when reach home at abt 1 plus?

The next day was draggy to go to work. I was totally tired and sleepy. I can't ride at first as i was too sleepy. But after a long day of work,i went to Lim Chu Kang to go fishing!!

This are the fishes caught.HAHA. I caught a starfish instead of a real fish.

Well,its not really my game but i have this as a test to my patience. Having to fish is great time tto test our patience.really.

But for now,it gonna be a busy week for me. A straight 6 days for a full shift. ARGH!

Never mind..

Ill end off with this.

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them."
- Mother Theresa -

I think we should sit and analyse what this words truely mean. It is simple but when i first read them, it brought a deep thinking in me. This is what we are lacking of.

Love

I wish, I wish upon the star.

2008-01-30T08:01:00.000-08:00

Yoji Harada

I just wish that i can meet this guy. I wish i can be like him. He's a tattoo artist from Miami Ink.

I love his tattoos,character, and fashion style, his tattoos that he drew on people were just perfect.

He is very calm person that will hold on to the word patience. He settle up his stiffness with his wife calmly and at the state of when he is at so called conscious mind.

He started out from a helper at Miami Ink, and now he is one of the artist there. You can see how humble he is,hardworking,determination and also passionate person through his work.

How i wish i can be like him, a tattooist but my religious are not allowing this to happen.

So this is my idol both character and talent.-Yoji Harada

Love.

hey

2008-01-30T07:24:00.000-08:00

it have been long i blogged i think. Been busy and stuff with sch and work for now. Believe it or not i got to work from cny eve to 11th feb for full shift. Argh!Sigh.

Alright it have been a tough and tiring weel last week where we RDP busk at Taka and Wheellock. It was a tough day to gather the people as it was on Sunday. But we still enjoy. The weather was not on our side as it was unpredictable. Was raining and sunny at times.
But so what we are still gonna jam the crowd this friday night. Don't know why probably celebrate the end of year 1 at RP. Lol.

Well, Monday was Computing and i was so surprise that the last week was a easy but a VB day for them to end our year. But still its over. I negotiate with Tim,our faci, to let us off early and to my surprise he end off the lesson at 12 and just a short 5 min 6th p at 130. Aha...

Well, tueday was a day i started to work out back from my neck injury. Aft guidance from Bud on how to street workout, i ended up having a stiff arm. And my arm can only be bend like 85 degrees.Ouch! Plus aft the workout Bud and me joined Faizal and Sham to spar. As a fighter in malay martial arts i lost all my techniques to fight cleanly. Lol. And we do shared and exchange fighting skills. Sham had an history of Tae Wan Doe. Faizal and me had history of silat and tasted the medals.Lol. Well as for Bud he had history on Street Fights. So there, we all learn and shared what we had.

So i can never say no to Street Fighting. Not the fact that i can beat people up but the art of it. I pretty well think that it is better off for me rather then having silat as an art as silat is full of rules and regulation where i am totally suck at. So that explains why my defensive techiniques whenever i fight with silat as i will always be overfight and forgetting the rule book. With Street Fight its all out babe.

So now January going to leave us. February is coming. And i mid of Feb, my bearbi(baby)is coming home.Haha. What is it is a secret. Ill reserve a post of bearbi once bearbi arrived and have bearbi pic post too. But ill pray hard that bearbi will be home safe and sound without much hussle.

Can't wait for bearbi..

Alright, year 2 are coming and i ought to make more friends now. But that is not important. The most important thing is that i got to think a topic for my PP next year.

Whatever it is, for now RDP just rocks.

We are rocking Wheellock Place(infront of Coffee Bean) on Friday,7.00 pm. This time we are going streets.

Come down to see us.

Love.

emi

Happy for the fact.

2008-01-24T19:35:00.000-08:00

Hey,i am proud to be say that i donated blood on 23rd Jan!And that was my first time.Pssst,(whispers)i am afraid of needles.Don't tell people.

But i felt proud from the fact that i can actually save a life with my blood. Plus the fact that in RP, there are loads of people that are charitable to help others. The number of donor flooded the lists name. I was just moved. When i reach there, i was just companying my friend. But when i see the number of people in the queue,i was moved by them and then joined the queue. Although the fear of needle wasn't there to stop me.

Heroes.
Nope not the Hero series i'm talking about but al the people in the Agora Hall 1 that waited patiently to donate their blood. They are my heroes. They are the heroes in people's eyes. They are the kind hearted soul that are not selfish.

I think there is one thing that is in everyone's hearts.
LOVE.

Love.

How beautiful this words

2008-01-22T18:32:00.000-08:00

dsStay up-George Nozuka

Let me start with a soft caress
wanna show you i'm not like the rest
so put me to the test
anything that you feel let it go
wanna take things nice and slow
so baby lose control
i want this, want that
i want anything, anything

*so let's stay up tonight
girl that's all
let me sing you a song
so let's stay up tonight
girl that's all
let me sing you this song
'cause it's all about love tonight
it's all you see
so stay up with me tonight

so come make it right next to me
let me show you what love can be
i'll kiss the lips softly
i'm lookin' you right in the eyes
girl i slowly go deep inside
your heart is what i mean
'cause i want this, want that
i want anything, anything

*~ohh

it's all about you and me
that's right (that's right)
that's right (that's right)
this it what it means to me

so don't leave me (don't leave me)
don't leave me
i need this just as bad as you do~
so don't leave me
don't leave me
tonight

(ohhhhhhh~)
*x2

baby baby
it's all you see
so stay up with me all night...

I just fell in love with this song. Especially the first 8 lines. This keep playing in my mind.

So i did it...

2008-01-20T23:03:00.000-08:00

Aha.. Yes i did it. I did what came to my mind randomly when i thought what to give H for the birthday. Although it was kinda last minute,i still did it. I hope H like the present. Although i started out to make H panic and all. But didn't i told you that im not evil to throw flour and eggs on u.

It's not as valuable as what i gave W and I. They both got a creative Mp3 player and a sneakers from me. Coz i treat my friends all equal. But H's present it was quite nothing i think but i tried my best to make it at least a little bit different.

Oh well, it have been done so i won't think too much on it. Whether H like it or not, i just wanna say it all came from my heart. My sincerity. It may not have a money value to it but it contain a value of a friend.

So i shall still remain standing where i am. Despite the rain or shine, thunderstorm or draught. But no worries coz i will not interfere. Coz i can't blame this heart for loving. I can't stop it from caring. Be it. I would just be happy if you are happy. That would have already put a smile on this face.

Well, today is your happy day. Enjoy it and make it a memorable one.

H, Happy Birthday. You're one year older. But i shall pretend that i forgot your age.lol.

Enjoy.

Love.

Lost in the crowd,trapped in the mind

2008-01-19T06:37:00.000-08:00

[Plug in:Half Alive- Secondhand Serenade]

I don't know what i really want. To let it go or to just hold on. Sigh. I really don't understand myself more. It seems that i am sinking deeper while trying to get myself out of the hole. I don't really know what happening to me. Why isn't there any painkillers to relief or cure feelings?Sigh.
My friends are putting too much hopes on something that they think gonna be yours sooner or later. But that fact is that i am scare to see them suffer and feel disappointed. I am caught in the middle. i don't why i am concern about their affairs. But it just that i don't want them to expect too much.

Anw, can i say girls or best to say females is the most fragile yet complicated and no feeling creature to the males. And i'm talking about humans! Why i say this because what i see from the experiences of my friends, they got dumped,ditch and fooled by their partners. why fragile cause its true to say that they want to most gentle handlers to handle that soft hearts of theirs.True? But some will do the evil-lest thing to get something or satisfaction that they wished for. Isn't that complication that they leave us behind? Agree?

Ego. Guys got big ego? My answer is yes to an extent. Not all guys are egoistic. And i still have to say that girl,some girls have bigger ego than guys too. Well, i got to say that i am a neutralise. Like i don't side any gender. Okay i don't know if that word exist.

Anw, i don't know why i am addicted to Indonesian songs. I find them nice and suit situations for like deadly in love or broken up couples.

And hey you, yes you, counting down the days. It's two more days. You'll definitely get lots of surprises and gifts.

Sunday-20/01/08. This day we RDP will rock Tampines MRT station. Haha. We are all geared up.

Love.

Wow.

2008-01-18T00:16:00.000-08:00

Okay. This week was a total non academic week. I only attended school on Wednesday. And a last minute change of going to school on Friday. I think whenever sch going to end,it starts to bore.

Hah. Anw I didn't believe i did this. It was a last minute plan. It is not as expensive but i think at least i am sincere for that. I won't mention it here. Coz soon u'll find out. Soon enough. Just wait and see.I was paranoid as i think this is not a thing that you will want but i want this to make it a memorable one. That you will never forget. Wakakakakaka.If you had it before than i think ill tried harder next time. I know im evil.

Ouh i did my medical check up yesterday. It was scary to have them checking on my cervical spine.There is a fracture on the C7. I was not allow to play sports for 3 months!WTH! But i can move my neck as per normal already. Looks like getting a new IG in sports for 08 should be cancelled. bah....

But the fracture is at the front,near my collar bone. So im confused.

Love,
Suhaimi

Sentosa!

2008-01-13T01:51:00.000-08:00

[Plug in:Haruskah ku mati-Ada band]

Alright this week was sorta okay for me. I stayed in sch on thursday and Friday.To watch Napoleon Dynamite. A cool old kinda movie. Was a 2004 movie but they made it look old. Like old school. With all the vintage clothings on. I loike!!

Saturday was Sentosa with BE and classmates. We had fun there. Weather was unpredictable. It was scrotching sun and the next moment it wwas drizzling. We had loads of fun. Soccer,volleyball,captain's ball and bossaball! See, we got all the fun lined up for us.

While on the way there we unintentionally created a new piece of song. See how random we are. BE people cant see drums infront of them. Or else we cant stop beating. My shades broke in my bag,as i suppose someone sat or stepped on my bag. But Daryl was nice enough to give me his shades.

So after the fun lined up for us we had our own fun. With BE heartless guys[as labelled by Aqila] we threw people into the sea.

The victims are those who talks alot!

Aqila calling us heartless and that,she's facing her consequence!
Was dragged there!
Amelia was first to be thrown as she is the newest member for BE. This is her second attendance and the our welcome gift!
Hamdi and me was random enough to take a walk to the nbach and took RP flag to run around with like a Olympic.LOL!

Playing Soccer. See how BE girls are so active!

Okay thats me!

Bossaball!

Soccer again!

Thats it people! We just had loads of fun!

Anw, this is RDP[Rhythm De Pasion]. And we gonna rock the streets soon!!

Damn It!

2008-01-09T07:14:00.000-08:00

Today class was okay but it just feels that i don't look forward to schools after the 3 weeks break. Sigh.

Anyway BE was extremely fine. I just miss all of them. I was super hyper to dance and disturb people. Even with my neck super stiff. Oh, i didn't use the brace for today. And my muscles are tight!

And damn it i was given the post that i will be the publicity team for 08. Damn! Publicity for concert made me like super crazy now for BE for e whole year. Giler geng! But it is an acting post. I'll try not do my job properly coz 08 will be super busy for me. There's PP and stuff to do for year 2. So yeah. But whatever it is ill guide the whoever will take that post. Cheer!

So UT is tmr. Gtg to revise.

Loves.

can i still take that hand?

i know,i know. but...

2008-01-08T07:01:00.000-08:00

I know what u meant. and i meant what i say. It gonna take quite sometime. Days to months and maybe months to meet years. I don't know. The future is not written on stone. U said it once and i am crystal clear about it. And i am not forcing things. Just that i don't want to be denial. I am putting myself away as i don't want to anti-climax that feeling of yours when u are actually waiting for that person msgs or IMs.

If u think that i am not anti-climaxing that feeling then as George Notzuka's goes "Talk to me,Talk to me, am i doing it right?"

Yes, i want us to talk like normal like we used to. But for now maybe ure are focusing more to that person most. So like i say i don't want to anti-climax that feeling of yours. My keyword is maybe. So i may be wrong.

Sometimes i am at a confused state whether to or not to.

And i hope i can stil take that hand. U too,be happy.

my oh my.

2008-01-08T06:19:00.000-08:00

My oh my...

Should i say goodbye to my hair?

i plan to cut it, than perm it to a little bit wavy and dye it all black all over again. Like those Europe stars kinda hair. Beatles,click five and and ouh that Kian from Westlife hair. I have been wanting to have that kind of hair.and those old school vintage looking. Aren't that hair cool? Not those like mat mat kind where they make it too vintage that they look girlish themselve and acting cute most of the time.
But all that are just a plans. I still dun know what to do abt it.
Any say?

My oh my...

Should i say goodbye to my hair?

2008-01-07T07:30:00.000-08:00

Dancer maut nie..
RDP with BE mates
Look at the crowd
Here's a sharing session with some Indian musicians.

Well, here are the photos. Only some of it. The rest are like almost e same.

unsureness for that purpose.

2008-01-05T22:20:00.000-08:00

Ever since that day, i tried to distant myself away. Not to drop any msgs or IM to u. Coz i know with e situation u are now ure feeling on a streak of happiness. And i don't want to destroy that with my SMSes that ure expecting from other person but my name appear on that phone screen instead. But i do get updated about u. Someway or another. Im not a stalker or anything. I am just happy that ure happy.

I tried to put my mind off u.Everything about u. For this moment at least. BE mates were there for me to make me laugh and stuff. But somehow i can't be denial to not keep it. Since last night, it have been like umpteens times i picked up the phone to drop an SMS but later decided not to.

Even this morning. I respected your say. But if u remember i didn't asked for anything in return. I just want u to know that the feeling exist. Just want u to know. And i know that i am no body to have u crying on my shoulder and my arms wrap around u. I know that. But afterall i am also a human. I can't run away from reality.

For now i am happy that ure enjoying your day with him. And u are in every prayers i made. For u to be happy with someone u really like. And i will have that prayer continued.

Loyalty was define to me by u. But i don't want to say it out that night coz i don't want it to be kinda force thingy. Maybe u should know the meaning of loyal. I'll try to do as u told me to that night, it may take a long time. But i don't want to lie to myself.

For whatever it is i am happy for you. And you will always be in my prayers.

And my wasted heart will love you.

Sunday 6th Jannuary